Written by: Kathryn Shaw

Starting counselling is a bit like standing on the edge of a swimming pool, toes curled over the side, wondering if the water is going to be freezing, awkward, or somehow reveal that you “don’t know how to swim properly.” From the outside, it can feel like a very big step. From the inside, it’s often accompanied by a racing heart, a long list of “what ifs,” and the quiet hope that maybe - just maybe - it won’t be as scary as it seems. As a counsellor, I’ve met many people at this exact moment. And if you’re here reading this, chances are you’re somewhere near that edge too, considering whether counselling might be right for you. Let’s talk about why that first step can feel so nerve-wracking, and why it’s also one of the kindest things you can do for yourself.

***There’s no pressure to be “interesting,” articulate, or insightful on day one. You don’t need a perfectly rehearsed backstory or a dramatic reason for being there.***

One of the most common worries I hear is that starting counselling will feel painfully awkward. You sit down, stare at each other, and suddenly forget how to talk like a normal human. You wonder: What if they judge me? What if I say the wrong thing? What if this is just... weird? It’s a fair concern. After all, you’re meeting a stranger, and the expectation is that you might talk about things you don’t usually bring up at brunch.

Here’s the reassuring truth: counselling isn’t a performance, an interview, or a test you can fail. There’s no pressure to be “interesting,” articulate, or insightful on day one. You don’t need a perfectly rehearsed backstory or a dramatic reason for being there. You can show up nervous, quiet, rambling, sarcastic, unsure - or all of the above. And unlike a bad first date, there’s no expectation to impress. The focus is on you, at your pace, in your own words. Choosing counselling doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you. It means you’re choosing to take yourself seriously.

“Choosing counselling doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you. It means you’re choosing to take yourself seriously.”

— Kathryn Shaw

The stigma of “seeing someone”

For some people, the biggest hurdle isn’t the session itself, it’s what it means to say, even silently, I’m seeing a counsellor. Despite how far conversations around mental health have come, stigma still lingers. You might worry that going to counselling means you’re “not coping,” that something must be seriously wrong, or that others will see you differently if they find out. Let me be very clear: counselling is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of self-awareness. People seek counselling for many reasons: stress, relationship challenges, anxiety, life transitions, grief, burnout, or simply the feeling that something is off and they’d like support sorting through it. You don’t need to be in crisis. You don’t need a diagnosis. You don’t need to justify your choice to anyone. Choosing counselling doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you. It means you’re choosing to take yourself seriously.

No fanfare required

Another myth about starting counselling is that it has to be a big, heavy, emotional event. Tears must flow. Breakthroughs must happen. You must emerge changed. In reality, the process can be wonderfully ordinary. Sometimes the first session feels less like “therapy” and more like a conversation with a friend, one who legitimately wants to hear anything and everything you choose to share. You might talk about what’s been weighing on you, or you might talk about what you don’t even know how to put into words yet. Both are perfectly okay. There’s no pressure to go deep before you’re ready. No requirement to relive painful memories. No gold star for vulnerability. Counselling is painless in the most literal and emotional sense. You are always in control of what you share, when you share it, and how fast you move.

“But opening up to a stranger is scary”

Yes. It is. And you’re not wrong for feeling that way. Opening up takes courage, especially when you’ve spent a long time holding things together on your own. Trust is not automatic, it’s built, gently, over time. A good counselling relationship understands that safety comes first. Many clients start by saying, “I don’t even know where to begin,” or “I’m not used to talking about myself.” That’s not a problem; it’s a starting point. Counselling meets you exactly where you are. Over time, what once felt intimidating often becomes a space of relief; a place where you don’t have to edit yourself, minimize your feelings, or pretend you’re fine when you’re not.

Who counselling is for (hint: it might be you)

Counselling is for people who are tired of carrying everything alone. It’s for those who feel overwhelmed, stuck, uncertain, or simply curious about themselves. It’s for people who function well on the outside but feel tangled on the inside. If you’re considering counselling and wondering whether it could help, the answer doesn’t have to be definitive. You’re allowed to explore. You’re allowed to try one conversation and see how it feels. You’re allowed to prioritize yourself without needing permission.

Taking the first step

Starting counselling isn’t about fixing yourself. You’re not broken. It’s about giving yourself space - space to talk, to reflect, to be heard, and to understand yourself a little better. Yes, the first step can be uncomfortable. But discomfort is not danger. More often than not, it’s a sign that you’re moving toward something that matters. So if you’re standing at the edge of that pool, unsure whether to jump in, know this: the water is usually warmer than expected. And you don’t have to dive. You can start by dipping your toes in - one conversation, one session, one small act of self-care at a time.

And that first step? It’s worth it.

If you’re considering taking that first step, RenHaven Therapy offers a warm, supportive space to begin. Based in Abbotsford, BC (with online counselling available across BC), we provide compassionate, evidence-based counselling for children, teens, and adults. You can start with a free 20-minute phone consultation to see if it feels like the right fit. Sometimes, one conversation is all it takes to begin.

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